Christmas Shopping In January! You Bet!

by Kevin Burton    Did a little Christmas shopping today me and the wife. We were in the moment.    The moment had been delayed at least three weeks, but it was still a moment. Let’s call it a moment out of place.    We didn’t get 100 percent of the things done that we …

Citizen Kev And Playoff-Bound Bengals

by Kevin Burton    One last night on pins and needles.  Now back to reality.    My 17-week stint as a fantasy football owner has ended. Another week, another nail biter.  This final game a 128-122 win in the third place game of the USA Legends league.     For next weekend’s slate of NFL games, …

Here’s To Socrates And Travis Kelce

by Kevin Burton    “The unexamined life is not worth living,” said Socrates, the Greek philosopher who was said to have driven people to distraction with his constant questioning.    “There were times where I feel like I was just out there thinking too much instead of just playing instinctual football. It’s definitely something that …

Here’s My Farewell To Fantasy Football

by Kevin Burton   There was a day in 2003 when I took a late afternoon city bus ride to a music store, just in case.     Undefeated Ohio State would play defending champion and heavily-favored Miami of Florida for the college football championship that night. I needed a copy of “Celebration,” on Kool and …

Sometimes A Fantasy Is All You Need

by Kevin Burton    If the NFL season ended at this writing, my Bengals would be included in the playoffs. They would travel to Kansas City for a first-round game.    Blood rivals Cleveland and Pittsburgh, though they are having fairly good seasons, would be excluded if the playoffs began today.  How sweet is that? …

Updates: Page 7’s Mexican Debut

by Kevin Burton    Within my general and ongoing shameless plea for readership, I got specific two months ago.    On the occasion of Mexican Independence Day I lamented that nobody in Mexico had ever read Page 7 (“Happy Birthday Mexico, Please Read This,” Sept. 15). That hurts, because I used to live in Mexico. …

Feeling Good About Cowboys Cave-in

by Kevin Burton    Eureka!  I found the magic formula and Page 7 readers were there to see it.    Apparently all it takes to make the Dallas Cowboys implode completely is for me to praise them in public as I did last week (“Cowboys Kool-Aid, Bottoms Up?,” Nov. 5).    The most overhyped team …

Cowboys Kool-Aid, Bottoms Up?

by Kevin Burton    Can’t believe I’m about to say this, put my name on it and send it out all over the world:    It appears the Dallas Cowboys finally may have the right stuff.    I got this idea after watching them win on Sunday Night Football, on the road at a good …

Let’s See If I Really Know My ABCs

by Kevin Burton    One day my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Wolf asked me, “Kevin, do you know your ABCs?”    “My good woman,” I replied, “if you are referring to the English aaal-phabet, then yes, I suppose I do know my A-B-Cs. May I be of some assistance to you in this matter?”    It …

“Fantasy Brain” Is Wrecking The USA

by Kevin Burton    Managing a fantasy football team has totally changed the way I watch the NFL. And it may have given me insight into post-national America.    In fantasy sports, you draft and “manage” a handful of players you predict will do well, pitting your team against other teams created in the same …