Feeling Good About Cowboys Cave-in

by Kevin Burton

   Eureka!  I found the magic formula and Page 7 readers were there to see it.

   Apparently all it takes to make the Dallas Cowboys implode completely is for me to praise them in public as I did last week (“Cowboys Kool-Aid, Bottoms Up?,” Nov. 5).

   The most overhyped team this side of Notre Dame college football impressed me and a lot of others by going into Minnesota in week eight and winning, using a very green backup quarterback improbably named Cooper Rush.

   The Cowboys showed they are so talented at most of the other positions that they don’t necessarily need an MVP-caliber quarterback to win. 

    The usual Cowboys gushing ensued, with haters such as me giving grudging support to it.

   And Dallas followed that up with, what?  They went back home to their palace and stunk it up, losing 30-16 to a Denver team that nobody is comparing to the 1985 Bears.

   They went out there like soup and beans.

   If I say “stop the presses” it’s not because Dallas underperforming is big news. It isn’t.

   What I mean by stop the presses is hold off on printing those Super Bowl tickets in big D. 

   What you basically had was Dak Prescott playing the role of Lucy as holder, pulling the football away from Charlie Brown at the last second. Charlie Brown goes flying and so did the Cowboys and their boosters.

   The history books will record the game as Denver 30 Dallas 16 because of two touchdowns in garbage time. But that was as complete a whitewashing as can be inflicted by one team upon another.

   So here I will test my theory and use my reverse powers on Dallas by praising them to the high heavens. I predict a 35-point win over Atlanta Sunday. The Cowboys superior athleticism and coaching will ground the Falcons from the opening kickoff until such time as their plane takes off for Georgia.

   I listened to part of the Dallas-Denver game on the radio. Former Cowboys quarterback Danny White was the color commentator doing an alleged network game as a total Dallas homer. White is last in the league in objectivity.

   I loved watching the Danny White era Cowboys. They were a very good team, always just good enough to make the playoffs and lose. His teams lost three straight NFC championship games from 1980 to 1982.

   Anguish in Dallas.

    So if this reverse thing is truly working, I better predict lousy games for Michael Gallup and Tony Pollard of the Cowboys, who are on our family’s fantasy football team. 

   I think that covers all the bases.

   And what about that fantasy team you ask. Thanks for asking! 

   So far we’re having a sort of reverse Cowboys season, meaning the team was lightly regarded at first but has overachieved.

   The team is called the K&J Silvers. My wife Jeannette is CEO of the organization and I serve as President of Football Operations. 

   The Silvers are 6-3 and in fourth place in the 12-team USA Legends League at this writing. The top four teams make the playoffs. Our next opponent is the team I regard as easily the best in the league, though they somehow are only in second place right now. 

   If we lose this week that will set up a series of must wins. 

   We’ve been in playoff contention most of the first part of the season.  If we fade I’m not sure I’ll keep my cushy PFO position.

   Jeannette calls herself the “silent partner,” but still, I serve at her whim.

   As for Cowboy Nation, they shouldn’t feel too glum after one bad game.  Having Atlanta show up on your schedule is usually good for what ails ya, even if the ailing is really bad.

   And for the rest of us, we are glad to have Dallas around to talk about. I mean if your team is out of contention you can always taunt the Dallas people.

   Plus, I think the truly visceral loathing from neutral fans has long since migrated to New England, then travelled south to Tampa. 

   Hating the Cowboys is more a passion from my youth, a familiar memory that makes the world seem right.

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