by Kevin Burton The Burtons love a good farmer’s market. And the local weather has been conducive to attending the outdoor version. So this could happen pretty soon. Sign us up! A farmer’s market of course, is the much yummier first cousin of a garage sale. But what of a flea …
Category Archives: humor
International Women’s Day, Because Why Not?
by Kevin Burton Tomorrow dear reader, is International Women’s Day. When I gave my wife Jeannette those glad tidings she said “What does that mean?” An excellent question from an excellent woman. “Imagine a gender-equal world. A world free of bias, stereotypes, and discrimination,” is the invitation from the International Women’s …
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Some Charming Words For Nasty People
by Kevin Burton My assigned task was to write past-due notices to customers. Dry enough, but I had some fun with it. I was working as an office assistant at a photo lab in Columbus, Ohio. We were in the not-so-busy season, taking care of things that didn’t get done during the busy …
Thou Shalt Not Steal Said Llamas In The Night
by Good News Network A would-be thief was caught by police after a herd of llamas cornered the suspect in a field until officers could arrive. And not a Florida man in sight. The crook was fleeing the scene after stealing from a woman in Derbyshire, England, and he decided to squeeze …
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Pigeons And Doves: A Valentine’s Day Primer
by Kevin Burton You’ve heard of rose-colored glasses? You’ve heard of beer goggles? You’ve heard of “I only have eyes for you, sh-bop, sh-bop? Well it’s Valentine’s week and here on Page 7, for the occasion, we’re going to do a little bird watching. Stay with me now, for as the kids say, …
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Opportunity Lost, Conscience, Laundry Clean
by Kevin Burton I set the phone down in the office, just long enough to go downstairs and start a load of laundry. How virtuous is that! But alas, in doing so, I let a precious opportunity slip away. “Kicking myself” is not the half of it. I don’t often leave …
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Quibbles And Bits: Introductions Are In Order
by Kevin Burton As you know, fantasy football is over for the year. Yesterday was Tuesday but I didn’t have any waivers to do, no lineups to set, no injuries to check on. Nothing to do really. So over the course of the season I have been noticing there was this woman …
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What Does “6-7” Even Mean? Nothing
by Kevin Burton My granddaughter says it. She’s the only one in my circles who does. Thank God. The copy-cat utterances of children have heretofore not been chronicled on Page 7 (Page 7!, Page 7!, Page 7!!). But this “6-7” thing is so ubiquitous that even Merriam-Webster dictionary is forced to pay attention …
Look Both Ways And Beware Of Jay Drivers
by Kevin Burton What I see 20 feet away, you can see 200 feet away. By definition therefore, I am legally blind. So you would think, all other things being equal, my career as a jaywalker could/should be painfully short, or maybe even disastrously shortened. I was very nearly run over by …
Drunk Raccoon Passed Out In Liquor Store
by Chris Michael The Guardian A liquor store employee in Virginia was startled Nov. 29 to discover smashed whisky bottles on the floor of the shop and, upon entering the bathroom, an apparently drunk, sleeping and spread-eagled raccoon. “He fell through one of the ceiling tiles and went on a full-blown rampage, drinking …
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