Ten Hard-To-Explain English Language Quirks

by Kevin Burton

   I went to college to become a journalist. But before I got there I was, briefly, an English teacher. And I had to defend some of the nonsense you will see below.

   English got to be the dominant language of the world (the lingua franca for aviation, among other industries) based mostly on the military and economic might of the United States. I don’t think it had anything to do with how logical the language is.

   So there I was with exactly two credit hours that fell under “education” trying to teach an unruly language to earnest ESL students who deserved better. I learned to say “it’s not common” or “it’s not something you hear in American English,” to “explain” why we Yanks say things the way we do.

   A lot of it had to do with vowels, which in Spanish are quite compliant and reliable, but in English wig out on a regular basis.

   Here is a good list of English inconsistencies put together by Dictionary Scoop. This, believe me, is just the tip of the iceberg:

1-“Queue” is a whole word, but only one letter matters

   It’s five letters long, but it sounds exactly like its first letter. The rest are just there for moral support, you know? “Queue” is one of those words where the spelling just wants to make things fancier than they need to be.

2–Every C in “Pacific Ocean” sounds different

   Go ahead, say it out loud. The first “C” is an “s,” the second is a hard “k,” and the third is a soft “sh.” Three letters, three sounds, and one very confused learner. How does one letter wear so many hats? Only in English could a single sentence be a pronunciation puzzle.

3–Fingers have tips, toes have tips, we know that much

   You’ve got fingertips and toetips, sure. But if we can “tiptoe” when we walk lightly, why can’t we “fingertip” when we tap something gently? Toes get all the fun verbs, so fingers deserve better PR.

4–Ships, cars, shipments, and cargo

   We ship things by car and call them shipments. But when it’s by ship, we call it cargo. Obviously, that makes… zero sense. “Let’s really mess with future English students,” they said… And succeeded.

5-“Jail” and “prison,” from synonyms to antonyms

   Here’s a brain teaser: “Jail” and “prison” mean the same thing. But a “jailor” is someone who guards the place, while a “prisoner” is someone locked inside. What happened there? A linguistic version of lovers to enemies!

6-“Laid”, “paid,” “said”, “bread” OR “bead” What?!

   If “laid” and “paid” are pronounced the same, one could expect “said” to follow the pattern. But it does not, and the matter gets worse. “Said” sounds like “bread.” But “bread” sounds nothing like “bead.” Consistency not found! Honestly, you just learn the words and hope for the best, right?

7–Why is W called double-U?

   Even typography is in on the English mischief. Just look at it: It’s clearly a VV. Not UU. The name feels like it was decided during a spelling bee panic, and we all just went along with it.

8–Expand the language, please!

   So… How come the English language has a very specific word for “throwing someone out of a window” (Yup, “defenestration” is an actual word), but when we need to refer to 48 hours from now, we’re stuck with “the day after tomorrow”? Priorities, right?

9–Are you threatening me?

   Try saying “have a good day” and then “enjoy your next 24 hours” to someone and see how their face changes. Same sentiment, wildly different vibes. One sounds like a cashier at Target, the other like a Bond villain. Context, tone…, we need to pay attention to every single detail!

10–“Womb,” “tomb,” and “bomb”

   Another pronunciation conundrum. How can you rhyme “womb” with “room,” “tomb” with “gloom,” but then “bomb” sounds like “mom”? This is the kind of chaos that makes non-native speakers cry into their dictionaries, you know?