Dear Reader You Are The Very Bestest Ever!

by Kevin Burton

   Who doesn’t like to get a compliment every now and then?  Of course that’s not a real question – we all do!

   So I say with near certainty, this is your lucky day. It’s World Compliment Day!

   No, not National, but World Compliment Day. This is for people all over the world, like the Love Train, driven straight to the top of the charts by the O’Jays in 1974. All aboard!

   And how timely is this?  If you’ve been keeping up with international news, you know the compliments have just been flying lately!

   A compliment is, “a polite expression of praise or admiration” according to the Oxford Dictionary. So that’s what we’re dealing with today, all day.

   “I can live for two months on a good compliment,” said Mark Twain.

   So to get us into the compliment spirit, here’s one from the “Tumbleweeds” comic strip by writer/artist Tom K Ryan. It’s a bit of a love poem actually:

   “There’s magic in your eyeballs, oh how them suckers shine! And though I can not see your ears, I’m sure they’s well-aligned.”

   File that one away for next Feb. 14.  You’re welcome!

   OK so here, honesty compels me to report that I may not be the best, most highly-qualified go-to dude, to be writing a story about compliments. My wife thinks I can’t take one. Like a hockey goalie deflects pucks, risking teeth and everything else to fend them off, I am constantly on guard against them.

   “Can’t you just say, ‘thank you?’” she has pleaded with me several times, knowing the answer even before she asked the question.

   Also, hear the words of one of my bosses when I worked in human resources as a recruiter.  She gave a presentation attended by business people in Wichita. Afterwards I told her she had done a good job with it.  She said those words meant something to her because “I know you wouldn’t just say that.”

   That meant, being interpreted, that I was famous for throwing around compliments like manhole covers.

   Oops. Feel the weight of that.

   The website roadskysafety.com says a manhole cover, 18 inches in diameter, can weigh 90 to 150 pounds.  A larger 24-inch version weighs between 165 and 260 pounds. And a 36-inch manhole cover can weigh between 275 and 400 pounds. No chance I’m throwing any of those.

   But I’m not afraid to ask for help in moving a heavy load. How fortunate that I stumbled upon the website oldsouletiquette.com for some thoughts on the subject of compliments. This content is written by etiquette coach Mariah Grumet Humbert. (I promise you, I didn’t make that name up.)

   “I want you to think back to the last time you received a sincere and kind compliment. Aren’t you smiling just thinking about it? I am a firm believer that when we see something good in someone, we should tell them,” Grumet Humbert writes. “‘Adore out loud’” as they say.“

   “Compliments, when given and received correctly, are a lovely way to bring joy to both the receiver AND the giver. They are an easy way to spread kindness, and can even help give people a boost of confidence they may need.”

   Grumet Humbert says there are two things to remember when giving compliments.

1-The compliment is sincere

   “If you are choosing to give someone a compliment, it should be kind, sincere, and from the heart. It should not be backhanded, and it should not be given with an ulterior motive like trying to find out some kind of information. The point of a compliment should be to let someone know that you recognize something positive in them in order to uplift them.”

2-The compliment is appropriate for the time and place

   All compliments should be appropriate, period. When we think about giving compliments in the workplace, we want to be mindful of complimenting on one’s appearance directly as we can’t always predict how people will receive a compliment despite how pure and genuine your intentions might be. Unfortunately, appearance-based compliments can get tricky when it’s not geared towards someone you have a close relationship with.

    Think of it this way: “That dress is beautiful! I love the color,” instead of, “You look gorgeous in that dress.” Either way, you are giving a compliment which will be sure to brighten their day, but you are taking the safer route at a time and place where that may be most appropriate.”

Receiving Compliments

   “The way in which we receive compliments can say a lot about our confidence. We are often quick to respond to a compliment with some method of downplaying it in an effort to display our humility. The best way to receive a compliment is simply to say ‘Thank you!’ That’s it! If you want to say more than ‘thank you,’ you can add something along the lines of, ‘That is so kind of you to say,’ or ‘You made my day!’”

   Well I accept what Grumet Humbert has to say. The dress she is wearing in her website picture is beautiful!

   But my general attitude is etiquette-schmetiquette.  Here’s my etiquette: “if you word a work e-mail just right, the ‘bleep you’ part is understood. You don’t have to come out and say it.”