by Kevin Burton
So I’ve had this material for a while. My friend Tracy sent it to me. Jusuuuut haven’t gotten around to posting it yet.
You know, busy, busy, busy.
It arrived under the headline “procrastinator’s creed.”
Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in “procrastinator” you get “or I start no crap.” Now that sort of makes sense. The most relevant part would be “I no start.” I could probably figure out something better to do with the other letters, but I’ll get to that later.
Laziness can be a part of procrastination, but doesn’t have to be. Sometimes we procrastinate in order to keep our options open, especially if those options are equally great or equally bad.
Some of us are flummoxed by technology and the unending possibilities. This is why I have not purchased a tablet or laptop yet, though I need the portability that would bring.
Putting things off is a near universal trait I think. Sometimes that is harmless, sometimes disastrous. Therein lies the humor of these ten elements of the creed:
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
7. If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.
8. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
Can you identify with some, or all of these? We’ve all been there, right?
You more attentive readers will have noticed that I skipped number six. That’s because I’m not sure how to take it. Here it is:
6. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though incredibly small, is not exactly zero.
I guess that points back to number five and “a reprieve from my obligations.” By some miracle, getting out of what you are supposed to do. That would be vaguely funny I suppose.
I am also tripped up here by the Biblical definition of miracle, involving God superseding the laws of science to do something with zero probability (for example making an iron ax head float (2 Kings 6:1-7).
We sports fans are fond of attaching “miracle” to this or that memorable game, when what we truly mean is that the result was highly improbable or nearly universally unexpected.”
Some of the worst procrastination involves not getting routine medical checkups, so as not to hear any bad news. That’s where our lighthearted look at procrastination turns serious. You can apply this also to having certain serious conversations.
In fact, most procrastination only leads to increased stress. Who knows this better than the United States Postal Service, which gets slammed in mid to late December each year by people who have postponed shipping presents to loved ones in other states?
I have here a little card from them, with “ship by” dates on it, because of our propensity to procrastinate.
I am guilty of putting things off, but in some cases I am innocent.
Merriam Webster dictionary says procrastination is a transitive verb meaning “to put off intentionally and habitually.” Therefore a husband is not guilty of procrastination if he has truly forgotten five or six times that his wife wanted him to print a UPS label.
And that’s my last word on the subject, for now.
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