More Words You Can’t Quite Count On

by Kevin Burton

   Yesterday we brought clarity to numerical words and phrases which are indefinite, in some cases  to the point of mystification.

   And you have come back for more. Thanks! And here is a bonus number-word definition: If I say “thanks a bunch” or “Thanks a million” it’s all the same.

   OK, we promised a two-part series and will deliver, meaning we will cease and desist after today, although on reflection, this could go on for a while. It’s a jungle out there. Hold on tight:

Several

   Merriam-Webster says several is “an indefinite number more than two but fewer than many.”

   You buying that? I’m not.

   When I say, ‘please pass the Chili Cheese Fritos,”  I intend to have several, and I don’t mean three. But that’s what several could be according to M-W: three.

   If I have three chicken-choking fistfuls of Chili Cheese Fritos, then somewhere in the spicy, salty madness I will achieve “several,” even if I send one or two Fritos skittering down the front of my shirt. Am I right?

   Or, try this one on for size you married men: 

   You: “I spent several minutes cleaning the living room and garage as you requested sweety.

   Her: “How many minutes?”

   You: “Three.”

   I don’t know about your house, but that would not work at mine. Always remember the Fritos rule to preserve clarity when using “several.”

Myriad

   Myriad rhymes with period, which is ironic since there is no end to the fun we can have with this word.

   For example, when my wife looks around The Mancave © and declares it 77 percent junk, I say nay, nay dear one, but I have myriad supplies, or I can say a myriad of supplies. Here’s how the dictionary explains this versatile word:

   “The noun myriad is usually followed by of and means “a great number,” as in “a myriad of possibilities,” Merriam-Webster said. “It is also common as an adjective meaning “very many” or “both numerous and diverse,” as in “myriad topics were discussed at the convention.”

   Myriad begins with quantity but also covers diversity. I need a word like that in The Mancave I promise you.  The treasures I save are for my wife’s future betterment. She will thank me someday, but probably not today.

Plethora

   Merriam-Webster says a plethora isan ample amount or number: abundance: profusion.

   I say a plethora is right around 200. How do I get 200? Stay with me.

    First, do you know anybody who actually uses the word plethora? Slips it into casual conversation? 

   Someone who says for example, “Well, you know I have a plethora of Taylor Swift CDs,” would you let that person house sit for you?  Granted the Taylor Swift thing could be the determining factor. But plethora, really?

   The only reason to use the word plethora is to show off one’s vocabulary. Who exactly would be impressed by that? Nobody I hang out with, I assure you.

   It’s the verbal equivalent of a pubescent girl whose first pair of high heels are four-inch ankle breakers. It’s just too much and obviously so.

   And the only thing worse than a plethora is a veritable plethora.  Ask any self-respecting peacock, a plethora that isn’t veritable is jive, no plethora at all.

   How did peacocks get into this?

   Well just as plethora is the show-off word, the peacock is the show-off bird.

   “In short, the most likely reason a peacock spreads his feathers is to attract his mate,” according to birdavid.com.

   Also, Google says the average peacock has 200 tail feathers.  I say that’s enough to establish a plethora as being 200.

Host

   NFL fans, ever hear the announcer say a runner was brought down by “a host of tacklers?”  Well, whereas I can get a plethora up to 200, a football-variety host has to stop at 11, the number of players on the field for any one team.  Anything more would be a violation of the agreed-upon rules.

   The heavenly host is a number greater than 11 but less than infinity.

     Friends, no mere mortal could wrestle them all down, but I trust you have benefitted from this lexicographic stroll through the minefield of some of the imprecise number words.

   Reader requests could bring me back, against my better judgment, to this topic. But I’m telling you, it would take a fistful of plethoras.