Sinister Deer Alliance Threatens Mankind

by Kevin Burton

   Have you heard the news?  Oh dear.

   Or should I say, oh deer!

   While human s of various hues and political bents invent ways to humiliate and torture one another, a Page 7 investigation has learned those people may be fighting the wrong enemy.

   It’s seems it’s the world’s deer population that threatens mankind.  Doubters take heed.

   A hunter was killed in October near the small town of Yellville, Arkansas, by a deer he had just shot, according to The Independent

   Thomas Alexander shot the deer with a muzzle-loading gun, then let it lie there for some time. When he approached the deer to make sure it was dead, he learned it was very much alive, on the attack and bent on revenge. 

   “He had several puncture wounds on his body,” said Keith Stephens of the Arkansas Fish and Game Commission. 

   Alexander, 66, was hunting alone, but was able to call family after the attack, the newspaper reported. They called for medical help but Alexander later died in the hospital.

   It is not known what became of the deer. We can tell you that one other deer, in the Czech Republic, encountered a hunter but took matters into his own, uh, antlers.

   “A hunter in the Czech Republic was charged by a deer that snagged the man’s gun on its antlers and fled into the woods with the weapon,” according to a report by United Press International

   “Police in the South Bohemian region said a hunter lost his gun while hunting near the village of Horni Plana. The man said one of the hunting dogs in his group startled a stag in a wooded area, causing the panicked deer to run directly toward him,” UPI reported.

   “The deer’s antlers ripped the man’s sleeve and ended up snagged on his .22 Hornet rifle, which had been slung over his left hand at the time. The animal ran off into the woods with the hunter’s unloaded gun still attached to its antlers, the man told police.”

   “Police said another hunter reported spotting a deer with a rifle dangling from its antlers more than half a mile from the scene. Investigators said the hunter was required to report the loss of the rifle under the Czech Republic’s Firearms and Ammunition Act.”

    I once caught a deer eating apples that belonged to me off a tree in my front yard at the house I had in Ohio. That tree produced more apples than I needed. So he was doing me a favor by eating them. 

   I’m glad I didn’t give that deer any reason to charge me because I was so close at one point I could not have gotten away. 

   How would I know how fast deer can run? Well I don’t, but another story from UPI leads me to believe me they do work out. 

   Police in Canada responded to an assisted living facility to remove a deer that crashed into the building through a glass door and ended up barricaded in the exercise room.

   Ashley Martyniw, an administrator at the Woodland Courts assisted living home in Selkirk, Manitoba, said he received a text message from a staff member saying a deer was running loose inside the building.

   “I thought it was a joke at first,” Martyniw told CBS news. 

   Royal Canadian Mounted Police were summoned to the scene and said the deer lost one of its antlers when it entered the building. The deer was barricaded in the exercise room and police spent an hour and a half coaxing the deer toward an open door to make its escape, UPI reported.

   “The buck realized the wide open door was right in front of his nose and jumped away to freedom,” police said in a Facebook post.

  “The cause of the incident is still under investigation but officers have not ruled out the possibility that he saw an attractive Christmas deer decoration through the window,” the post said.

   Were these three isolated incidents in desperate corners of the globe, or part of an organized strategy to threaten man’s hegemony?

   Ridiculous you say? Well, a large number of voters in this country just swallowed conspiracy theories less plausible than that one.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: