by Kevin Burton
On July 20 last year we marked the 50th anniversary of the NASA Apollo 11 mission, man’s first steps on the moon.
It was one of the many events in the global news media that day that overshadowed the launch of the Page 7 blog.
And you know there are those who think both launches were a complete hoax.
The moon doubters have been relegated to late-night talk radio, voices howling through the static and the wind at 3:15 a.m. It’s easy to leave such pseudo-scientists there. In fact, it’s necessary.
But now I have this report, or theory, unfounded certainly, from my old friend Rollie Dean. He says there may be more to the story.
Your humble blogger dude is as always, an unblinking champion of the truth. But I can’t be everywhere.
Rollie has a knack for sniffing out truth, either before or after he steps in it. So when I saw his number on my phone, I took the call.
“Hey man you know what day is coming up, right?”
“Anniversary of my first blog post,” I started.”
“HA-huh-huh, good one! No man, the moon landing. Neil Armstrong, one small step. Ring a bell?”
“Of course Rollie, what about it?”
“Well, what if we all missed a big story that day?”
“What could possibly be a bigger story than the first man setting foot on the moon?” I asked.
“Life,” Rollie said “life on the moon. Men, or beings, whatever. A whole society on the moon and we didn’t see it.”
Rollie is not sniffing truth today, I thought and I wondered what he was sniffing.
“We had Walter Cronkite on the case back then. He and his team would never have missed a story like that.”
“I got a source man,” he said.
“Is it one of the beings? Can you put him-her-it on the phone?”
“Very funny man, I’m serious! Hear me out. You’re the first one I am telling this.”
That much I owed him. We’ve been pals since before my voice changed. Plus, it was hours before PTI would come on TV. I had a little time.
“OK, I’m here, I’m listening.”
“These moon guys knew we were coming, knew all about us. But they didn’t want any part of us,” he said.
“Not very neighborly of them,” I said.
“Well that’s it. They had the good neighbor thing on their minds,” he said.
“They somehow found out that it was Europeans coming, calling themselves Americans. They found out what happened to all the other societies that Americans discovered; they got killed or enslaved and tortured.”
“What excellent researchers these moonlings. But if they wanted to avoid us, why didn’t they just blow up Apollo 11,” I asked. “Did they have that capability?”
“Probably, but if the spaceship gets blown up, then the humans know somebody is up there. Like I said they wanted no part of us.”
“So they just hid, man. That’s why we didn’t see them.”
“They hid their entire population,” I asked, “infrastructure, agriculture, Waffle Houses, everything?”
“Well I don’t know if they had Waffle Houses man. I don’t know what they had. But they said any interaction with us was bad news for them. They said hiding was the best plan.”
Just then hiding seemed like a good idea to me too.
Small parts of this tale had the ring of plausibility, but not enough to keep me on the line. I run a quality blog and I can’t be associated with such quackery.
So I changed the subject, took my leave and hung up. You think I can’t get out of a jam by changing the subject, just ask my wife.
We could reminisce about the moon landing again this year, though 51 years is not such a nice round number. It is three times 17, but you know what I mean.
Or, there are lesser anniversaries we could talk about on Sunday. How about I think of one and get back to you then?