by Kevin Burton
There are many ways to illustrate how a person can change and change profoundly over the years, but I can sum it up in two words.
Stale Doritos.
I was amazed recently to have to admit the truth. The spicy nacho Doritos in our pantry had expired…on my watch!
Back in the day, growing up at the Ohio State School for the Blind, Doritos were the coin of the realm. They were crunchy legal tender. They were better than actual money because, hello!, one sought money for the purpose of converting it into Doritos.
You think I’m lying, but I’m not.
It was ceremonial when a classmate would carefully tip a nearly empty bag of Doritos, and capture the crumbs for the last savory bite.
Had I seen someone then turn the package inside out and lick the salt residue from the now inverted bag, I would not have ridiculed him but would have heaped great praise on him for resourcefulness and ingenuity.
Actually most likely I would have slinked away, kicking myself for not having thought of that myself.
Anyway, in those days there could have been no concept of stale Doritos. On the rare occasion you had enough restraint to not eat the whole bag, you would polish it off the next day, without question.
But there I was last month, having to throw away a bag of Doritos about three quarters full because the product had gone stale.
Understand I had gotten into the bag a few times, eaten a chip and said to myself, well, they’re not too bad.
Still tasting the memory of my youth, I was loathe to part with what used to be a coveted treasure. But eventually I had to admit the truth. And it was hard.
I mean I still eat Doritos, but not as before, like a locust playing a part in one of those biblical plagues, devouring everything in sight.
Found out too late that Saturday was National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. It was too late to work up a blog on that subject. So I lost what we in the business call a “time hook,” or a reason to print this or that because of what day it is.
But I don’t feel too bad about that because we have clean the fridge day almost every Sunday. And I made up for it by telling my clean-out-the-pantry Doritos story.
I heard about Fridge Day from Physicians Mutual insurance of all people. That’s one of the few insurance companies that doesn’t make funny commercials that run during my games on an NFL Sunday.
I took great offense to their suggestion to “discard anything questionable, moldy or past its prime” until I realized they were talking about old food, not necessarily about me.
Physicians said the average American wastes 325 pounds of food every year, and suggested four steps to a clean fridge:
1-Empty Everything Out
· Remove all items and place them on counters or in coolers
· Check expiration dates as you go
· Discard anything questionable, moldy, or past its prime
2-Remove and Soak Components
· Take out drawers, shelves, and bins
· Wash in warm, soapy water
· For tough stains, try a paste of baking soda and water
3-Clean the Interior
· Wipe down all surfaces with water and white vinegar
· For stubborn spots, use baking soda and water
· Don’t forget the door seals
4-Organize when restocking
· Use clear containers for leftovers with dates labeled
· Keep dairy in the coldest part (usually the back)
Store raw meat on the bottom shelf to prevent cross-contamination
From here, use the common sense God gave you to apply these tips to your pantry as well.
And if you’re so high and mighty that you think the fridge doesn’t need tidying, just wait till Thanksgiving!
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