by Kevin Burton
So maybe Wednesday’s post was a public service, maybe not.
We demystified the initial stages of romantic attraction with an article by Emilie Lavinia from Red Magazine. It wasn’t the stuff of love songs, but a scientific examination.
Today’s content comes from the same article, the 21 signs of attraction compiled by experts. You may find most of these to be obvious. But at least you have a bit of a scorecard if you’ve just met somebody interesting:
1) Eye contact
This is the most well-known indicator of a connection with another person and a good way of being able to tell if someone likes you. If you constantly find yourselves locking eyes and holding each other’s gaze, this is a sign that you are interested in someone and of bonding and closeness. Our rule of thumb is that the longer it lingers, the greater the tension.
2) Staring
You might find yourself staring at the other person or find they’re staring at you. Sometimes you might happen to glance up at the same time and your eyes might soften into a mutual stare. If this happens, it’s likely there’s something taking place between you.
3) You’re aware of their presence
Even if you aren’t directly eyeing someone up you are likely keeping an eye on where they are in the room. You’re aware of where they are located and how close they are to you. Your excitement might grow as you feel them moving closer to you. If your intense awareness of this person is bothering you or distracting you, try listening to music or a podcast to distract yourself or occupying your attention with a repetitive task.
4) Awkwardness
Are you forgetting all your words? Tripping up or being clumsier than usual? Behaving awkwardly may be a sign of sexual tension because your behavior is due to both being excited physically and being hyper aware of yourself and your actions. To deal with any awkward behavior, try taking five deep breaths to regulate your nervous system before engaging with the other person, and try moving slowly. Don’t rush, and take time to pause and gather your thoughts before you speak.
5) That embarrassed feeling
Hyperawareness of how we look and act can also lead to feelings of embarrassment and shame. We’re viewing ourselves through a hypercritical lens while also dealing with a rush of cortisol, the stress hormone, which is likely making us feel dizzy and disorientated. It’s hard to not feel embarrassed when you’re in a self-conscious state, so try repeating kind and positive words to yourself.
6) Blushing
What does embarrassment lead to? Blushing, of course. As blood rushes to our heads to temper the effects of rising adrenaline, our faces and necks flush pink. This can be a clear giveaway that you’re experiencing some level of sexual tension or attraction to someone. Deep breathing to regulate your pulse and your body temperature can help.
7) Facial expressions
You might worry more about what you look like if you and another person are checking each other out. You might smile more or try to face the other person with your ‘good side’. Try to relax, take a beat and breathe out.
8) Sweating
As certain hormones flood your body and your pulse quickens, your body temperature might start to rise. This means you might find yourself sweating a little, which can be a source of embarrassment and anxiety. You can’t stop yourself sweating, but you can load up on antiperspirant and breathe deeply to try and stabilize your temperature.
9) There’s a bit of an odd atmosphere
Does the air feel heavy? Do your senses feel heightened? Sexual tension creates a physical response that makes it feel like the frequency in the room changes when you’re close to the person you’re attracted to.
10) Smiling
If you find yourself smiling when you think of the person, grinning when you see them and beaming when you engage with them, that can be a sure sign of sexual tension, especially if the smiles are mutual.
11) Laughing
Laughing releases feel-good hormones, and feel-good hormones put us at ease, so your propensity to laugh, giggle and joke around with another person both builds a chemical connection and shows that you like one another.
12) Touching each other
Maybe it’s a brush of their leg or a hand that lingers a little too long on a forearm after a funny joke. Whatever it is, subtle touching is definitely a sign of something bubbling beneath the surface.
13) You respond to touch by getting closer
If you happen to touch the other person, do they pull away or get closer? Do they lean in while you’re talking? If they move towards you, they’re probably attracted to you, or at least very comfortable with you being in their personal space.
14) You can’t help flirting
Joking around, making flirty comments and challenging each other are all signs that tension may be rising between you. If someone is flirting with you and you’re not enjoying it, it’s always good to respond with clarity by saying, ‘Don’t say that to me please, I don’t like it.’
15) ‘You two look great together!’
People telling you that you look, sound and act like you’d be good together suggests that others may be picking up on the sexual tension between you. Of course, everyone’s entitled to their opinion, but if people saying these sorts of things makes you feel uncomfortable, be clear with your boundaries and make it known that these sorts of comments aren’t appropriate.
16) You tease each other
Making fun of one another is a way of forging a personal bond and flirting in the process. It’s also a sign that someone is paying attention to your mannerisms and actions. However, don’t confuse degradation for playful teasing. If something feels jarring, tell the other person you’re not enjoying the teasing and that being mocked hurts your feelings.
17) Daydreaming
Do you find yourself daydreaming about a particular person? If your thoughts keep drifting, you play out fantasy scenarios or often wonder how certain conversations might go, this distraction could be a sign of sexual tension.
18) X-rated dreams
Sexual dreams are totally normal but sometimes they can be disarming, especially if someone you weren’t expecting to see makes an appearance. Sexual dreams don’t always mean that we want sex with the person in them; dreams are complex expressions of our subconscious, after all. However, if you find yourself having steamy dreams about a particular person regularly, there might be some desire there.
19) You gravitate towards each other
If you and the person you’re experiencing sexual tension with always tend to gravitate towards each other at social events, or at work, or if you often bump into each other in the same places, there might be something in that.
20) Changes in mood
The problem with sexual tension is that it can be a source of confusion and frustration. No one is acting on their feelings and you are both likely somewhat anxious and embarrassed about them. If someone brings up attraction, dating, body language or anything that feels too close to home in conversation, you might feel the mood change as you both respond to the shift in energy and acknowledge what you’re feeling. Try not to panic. No one is calling you out. Just calmly change the subject.
21) You get butterflies
A burst of adrenaline and a rising heart rate can result in tummy flutters when the other person is around. The feeling of butterflies in your stomach is associated with nervousness so it doesn’t always mean that you’re experiencing sexual tension. However, when combined with the other signs, it is pretty likely that sexual tension is present.
Psychologist Smriti Joshi advises: “Sexual tension could be something that only one person feels, or it could be mutual. It’s important to remember that while this could be a precursor to a relationship, these feelings are mostly led by sexual desire, so you must consider if there is mutuality and consent if you want to pursue these feelings further.”
Julia Kotziamani concurs: “If you aren’t clear if the other person feels the same, try some light flirting and see how they respond. You may notice they mirror some of your body language, make eye contact, look at your mouth, or find excuses to talk to or be around you.”
“If you are feeling bold, and it’s safe and appropriate to do so, you can ask directly. This way you are sure to know if the tension is just in your head. Just make sure you are able to comfortably and considerately deal with the answer, even if it’s a rejection.”
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