Embrace Your Mother While You Still Can

by Kevin Burton

   Hug your mom.

   Hug her today if you can. Hug her tomorrow because tomorrow is Mother’s Day, but don’t wait for a prompt from the greeting card companies. Hug her any time.

   Hug your mom.

   You see this on Facebook all the time. Hug your mom because you will wish you could after she is gone.  And we scroll past, to the cute puppies.

   My wife and I are both blessed to have our mothers still with us. Jeannette’s mom will turn 92 this month, my mom the big 9-0 next month, God willing.

   I have referred twice in passing on Page 7 to a second move and downsizing for my mother, without telling the whole story. The full story is, she moved to a nursing home at the beginning of November last year.

   She hated the idea of course. I hated the idea of course. But she had a series of falls last summer and fall, thanks be to God without breaking any bones. She had become less and less able to care for herself. She even said so herself at one point, before trying to walk it back. 

   What had to happen was obvious, but it was painful. 

   Mom said I told her years ago that I would never put her into a nursing home.  I don’t remember saying that but I don’t doubt it. It sounds exactly like something I would have declared.  But with the more complete knowledge of adulthood and with the unbending realities of her physical abilities we were left without a choice.

   So there was a day last October when I visited her on a Thursday as I almost always do ,and asked for her blessing.

   I reminded her that as power of attorney, I did not need her permission to order the move, but I wanted her blessing, because if I had to do this with her kicking and screaming, it would absolutely crush my spirit.

   We spoke in her bedroom at the assisted living facility where she used to live, because she hadn’t gotten up yet, though it was 1:30 or so.

   I had told mom that my brother Steve was coming for that visit, so she figured out that a both sons visit meant something important, and that probably we would be talking nursing home.

   My brother didn’t show up. So I stood alone at the foot of her bed and wept like a child and I hope, also like a man.

   The assisted living facility she was in was substandard to say the least. I call it a ghetto. It was staffed by liars and nit-wits.  If I read someday that their license has been pulled, I will not be a bit surprised.  Almost all the medical professionals I have spoken to know the place by reputation.

   So escaping the ghetto at least was one positive aspect of the move.

   The best part is at the nursing home a professional staff, meets and anticipates her needs. They communicate with the family. It’s clean and the atmosphere is upbeat.

   The worst part is that Mom now has a roommate. But even that isn’t all bad if you ask me.

   Mom had said repeatedly in the months before the move that she was “tired of being alone.” A roommate wasn’t what she had in mind – sharing a bathroom. But it is what it is.

   And I have seen the nurse and nurturer in her come out, when the roommate goes through medical issues.

   Since the first time I had to push mt father in a wheelchair back in the late 90s, I have thought it would be a good school parent-student exercise to have the children push their parents in a wheelchair. If some other calamity doesn’t befall them first, that day is coming. I think it would be helpful for a child to make their mind go to that place, before it had to go there.

   I stood in the Hallmark store Sunday with two Mother’s Day cards in my hand.  There are so few cards that I like, that I usually buy multiple cards if I find good ones.

   But do we have two more Mother’s Days together?

   Hug your mom. Embrace her, while you still can.